Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Craig Villani

Craig Villani is the director of teacher training. Every teacher I talked to before leaving shook her head and said, "Oh, Craig. You'll love him or you'll hate him. Actually, you'll love him. Everyone develops a little crush on Craig."

Somehow, from the vague descriptions, I pieced together an image that resembles Harvey Fierstein. Instead, he's a thirty-something regular guy with appropriate use of hair products. He's entertaining and sympathetic, but you know right away that he can pinpoint bullshit at fifty paces, and won't take it. He will be our den mother for the next nine weeks. He cautions us that certain questions will be met with "La la la la la" as he stops up his ears. Catfights or territorial disputes within the women's changing room will not be touched with a ten-foot pole, as being trapped in a changing room with 150 women is his idea of hell. After 13 or 14 training sessions, he is well acquainted with teacher trainee behavior.

We also meet Rajashree, Bikram's wife. She introduces herself by saying, "Bikram is the Bengal tiger, and I am the pigeon." She's completing a Ph.D. in yoga therapy and is the health/nutrition guru here. She will be everyone's mother mother for the next nine weeks. If you have a problem, physical, emotional, you talk to Rajashree.

Our orientation talks repeatedly emphasize the dangers of dehydration, over-hydration (where you drink so much water that your electrolyte balance gets thrown off, which could be deadly) and proper nutrition. Other orientation prescriptions:

1. Eat whatever your body tells you, don't listen to old eating habits. If you're a vegetarian and you crave meat, eat it. Craig tells a story of how he was vegan when he started teacher training. Then, one day after class, he went straight to Whole Foods, bought a big hunk of beef, took it home, threw it on the grill and then picked it up with his bare hands and tore into it there on the deck. Rajashree says, Don't diet. Don't watch your weight. Just eat. Eat well and eat often.
2. Take it easy, take it easy. Don't push yourself during class. And TELL US if you experience any of the following: dizziness, vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, nausea, muscle cramps, light-headedness, repeated headaches, transmissions from alien craft, purple and red spots, extra limbs, talking boils, anything out of the ordinary. Err on the side of caution this first week. Please. We don't want any ambulances.

That last sentence was not an exaggeration. Seriously, they said exactly that. They're being kind of soft and fuzzy on us. I'm waiting for it to turn.